some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
