so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
