Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
