She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
