Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
