does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
