The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
