sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
