I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize