my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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