I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
