I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
