And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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