Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
