The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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