dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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