dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
