I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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