so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
