never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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