New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
