normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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