Can Purell be used as lube?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
