I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
