Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
