Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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