Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
