I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize