check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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