Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
