i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
