had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
