They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
