Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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