Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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