don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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