his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
