last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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