why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
