I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
