That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
