I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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