i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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