you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
