My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
