I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
