You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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