4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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