She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
