she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
