i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
