Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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