I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
