You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
