I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
50% drunk capacity currently
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
