I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
