i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
