Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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