Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
