Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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