Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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