I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
