In the future we'll all be gay
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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