okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
