Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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