Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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