i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
