So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
