Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
