can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Pappa wants mamma naked
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
