And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm too high and old for this...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
