Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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