At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
