What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
