she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
